Love

Currently I, just sitting in front of my laptop, am playing with the keys of keyboard, trying to prepare my cerebral to process some thoughts that I could write in abstract words...A warm-up of my mind...When my processor would start and deliver some thoughts that could frame my mind in some definite fashion...I didn’t know if it would work or not...however I am enjoying it....It feels good to express something from the inside and view it outside and then feel, Ah, it’s my part...I am seeing the part of my being in such creative and visual way..What a satisfaction it raises in heart...I simply love it...
To love something is just a happiness for which you need nothing except a frame of mind...I feel when you start loving something, it becomes a great source of joy...For example...you start loving every word you press in MS. Word...What happens...You enjoy seeing the beautiful-lovely words, appearing in so amazing way...You start loving the book you have just bought...It’s cover; it’s page; the printed words...and it becomes so tempting and enchanting...You start loving the night and night becomes the most romantic thing in your life...The moon just become quintessence of your love...You start loving someone and you feel that you are no longer in a single body...Her happiness, her praise, her achievement, you start feeling that it is yours too...Really what an expansion it is...is it not a mysterious-spiritual experience...well I feel, it is...Might be it would feel as an utopian dreaming but believe me it is...Love reveals your true-self...Love is subjective...Even it might not be reciprocated but still you can enjoy it...Still you can feel the fragrance of your own being because when you are in love, you are the most beautiful flower...that’s fragrance could be felt by everyone unless one closes one’s nose...
Love is the most wonderful-mysterious-beautiful word for me...It enhances every pleasure... the music, proposed by your lover...Does it not become the sweetest one? The journey you travel with your lover...Does it not become the loveliest one? The dinner you take with your lover... Does it not become the tastiest one? The romantic movie you watch...Does it not become the best one...It becomes...Obviously you can raise the question...how many “best”...But, friend... love knows no logic ...whenever you feel the love...it becomes the best moment of your life...
I don’t know how love and lust are related...And I don’t want to know too...Let it be related and might be it would be related, however I just need to feel this gift...I needn’t have to post-mortem it to know the question... why? In case of opposite sex I cannot deny that infatuation(physical attraction) is starting point of love however once you fall in love your partner becomes the most beautiful person...
Love is not inclusively for opposite sex...What I mean to say...it is more like a state...you start loving yourself in just the situation you are in...A sense of acceptance start dawning upon you, eliminating all the negativities you feel...You can love everything....Your book, your plant, your mobile, your IPod, your car...and everything you would find love, emanating and pleasing you...Just you need to frame your mind and need to speak out right from your heart...yes! I love...And I am love..... :)

Goodness

*Picture is subjected to Copyright

Many Days have been

I haven’t written anything

Today I put my hands on the Keyboard

Perhaps to tune my feeling through mind-chord

My feelings are new and has buried the old

Now I am not good but I am bold

My Goodness was nothing

But a dull flower in the soil of my cowardness

I got afraid of them who are themselves

Shrinking in the darkness of fear

I got unhappy due to them who are themselves

Too unhappy to see other’s happiness

They don’t let you to see the reality

Disguised themselves in the shallow make up of gaiety

Love! It is only that can make us bold

It is only that can change our mental-mould

And boldness is what let you to be free

And freedom is the sweetest fruit of your Life-tree

ME or YOU

In the fierce and feverish wind

You came and gave a shelter

To my trembled, trampled and gloomy beam of my life

I was mesmerized and in the light of my own beam

I saw your radiant face like a sun rise in my darkened heart

My expression flowed, wiping out all the layers of deceptiveness

And softened the hardened rock 

burdened on my chest due to life-long deposition

Of rules of Good and bad; 

Of discrimination of beautiful and ugly

In the layer-less conscious of my being

I saw the transparent bareness of my own being

Felt the love flowing in the veins in place of blood

Heard the music of my soul crooned by my heart  

And vibrating the tiniest cells of my body

On the sweetest rhythm of Life

I can’t say...How lively the words become

When my love drenches the words coming for you

When I see in your lovely comely eyes

I often wonder...I am seeing Me or You...

Coward

 Hiding your eyes to see what you don't want to see but you must see to resolve the issue is not an act that will let you reach a certain decision. And if I have to attribute such mindset, I will name it as 'being the coward'. We all often succumb to escapism for momentary comfort which, in reality, amplifies the problem with each passing time. Our escape for momentary comfort turns into a nightmare and before we understand what is happening with us, we are caught in a whirlpool of negative emotions which finally leave us depressed, indecisive and broken.

Since 'being the coward' was the reason for such disaster, 'being the brave' is the only solution to get out this misery. We need to arm ourselves with confidence and fight the negativity that has plagued our lives. A decision has to be made. What I have personally realized that being indecisive is far worse than making a decision, even it turns out a wrong decision. A wrong decision can teach you something but being indecisive will only drain out your happiness by keeping you overwhelmed with confusion. Being indecisive is analogous to a situation when something is stuck in your neck and you don’t know if you should swallow it or spit it out and you are not able to do any of these.

The beauty of the world is often explored through the darkest caves and bottomless valleys. 'Death' is the only fear in this world. All other fears are just its reflection. Remembering death makes us realize the mortality and insignificance of our life. Death is very similar to fire - deadly but useful. Death makes all problems in life so minuscule and meaningless. Only by accepting and realizing the impermanence of life, we can be brave enough, be honest, and truthful to us and to others.

LAKSHMEE- A short story (Guest Post)

Many years have passed since she left this imperfect and unjust world, but still she floats around in my memories time to time. Today I have decided to tell the story of Lakshmee as was perceived through my eyes. Lakshmee was born as a first child in a family which had seen a girl child after two generations. Although a boy would have been more welcome in this case also, Her arrival in this world was tolerated or I dare say welcomed in much better way than many of other girls had in my village. At that time you could guess by the silence and gloom at home that a girls had arrived or by noise of celebration that a boy had been born. A feast was arranged as celebration for her birth which was generally reserved for boys. Her grandfather christened her Lakshmee, consoling his son that she will bring prosperity, material and money as well as many boys to family.

She was a very lovely child with plenty of smiles and comfortable with anyone wishing to carry her in his/her arms. Since she was first child in family, she was attended well. There were plenty of people in house who were unoccupied and now had something to keep them busy. Seeing a child grow is greatest of the joy one can have. After three years she had her brother born. A big feast was arranged with village band performing. Suddenly object of attention changed from Lakshmee to newly born boy who was named as Vaibhav. She enjoyed for few days all the traditional music and noise accompanied with her brother’s birth. A lot has changed in her status in the house but she hardly recognised it. She was constantly reminded that she was very lucky to have a brother who will fulfil all her dreams when he was grown up. So it was her duty to give him all the comfort, care, love and attention even if it was on the cost of her. She accepted it very readily and now onwards everything in her life was secondary to her brother’s happiness. She will sit all day long beside him, amusing him in whatever way she could, oiling him with her little hands, carrying him in her arms with unsteady steps. 

Now she was six years old and had one more brother and a newly born sister. By this time she had came to understanding that brothers were more important than sisters in the family. Surprisingly she never resented this fact and accepted it as truth and reality like her mother. Her mother was indoctrinated in this philosophy from childhood and had never equal rather a very narrow space in her heart for daughters. For her boys brought her respect in family and hope for future but girls a misery in form of over increasing dowry demands. She had seen throughout her life differentiated treatment to boys and girls and had accepted it as reality. She never had any crisis of conscience in perpetuating this bias further. Some family in the village were changing with time. Girls in these families were getting increasingly better treatment and opportunities. The main driver behind these changes were mothers rather than fathers. Mothers, who had opportunities to witness increased role of women in society, supported their daughters more strongly. 

Lakshmee now 9 years old  was attending government primary school and best part she enjoyed there was midday meal which had been recently started. This scheme had brought life to otherwise deserted school with good number students waiting eagerly for midday khichdi. The students were getting free books as well as an uniform also. Her brothers were going to local convent school in nearby town by rickshaw. It was convent only in name, eduction provided was as best as mediocre but still better than primary schools where two teachers were teaching five classes. Her father said that he couldn’t afford sending her or her sisters to convent school and money spent on daughters was waste as he would have to give even larger dowry to better educated girls. Lakshmee never seemed to care about this and she felt very happy attending her school and in fact she proudly told her classmates that her brothers go to expensive school and one day they will become big people like engineers and doctors. She always dreamed of her brother success and she had attached all her own dreams and desires with them. Before going and after coming from school she would help her mother in household chorus and managing of her youngest one year old third brother ‘Vishal’. Vishal had started crawling and sometimes would stand and take one-two steps before falling down. One day Lakshmee was with him on the roof. Lakshmee was with her newly received books. She was eagerly exploring the book and for sometime took her eyes off her brother. When she turned her eyes towards Vishal, she found him standing on the verge of roof which was without railings. Her blood froze and in panic she rushed towards brother to get hold of him. Her brother was about to fall down. She caught him but she couldn’t control the momentum and fell with him in her arms. She landed on her back to the ground. With the noise everybody in family gathered there. Luckly due to rain previous day ground was wet and muddy so impact was not dangerous. Boy was safe so was Lakshmee with minor scratches to her hand and pain in back. Her mother was enraged at her and even Lakshmee was also feeling guilt for her carelessness. Her mother took the baby out of her arms and told her father to rush to doctor. She wanted to beat Lakshmee but her grandmother took her away. Her father went to doctor and got his son examined. He was found healthy and without any problem. Lakshmee was put with quike lime (chuna) on her scratches and given turmeric laced milk (Haldi-milk) for pain by her grand mother. After one week Luxmi was again same sportive like fawn. Her mother had not pardoned her yet but she felt that she deserved that.

Lakshmee entered fourteenth year of her life. She was a brilliant student in middle school and always stood first in class. In spite of studying in government school she was performing better than her convent educated brothers. But this fact brought further misery to her. Her mother resented that the one needn’t study was doing well and those who were expected, didn’t. Her school teachers suggested her father that she should continue her studies and one day she would make him proud of her. Her father said that in two years she would complete her 10th and that was good enough education for her. Once she was eighteen he would marry her as day by day dowry demand is increasing. Her In-laws and husband would decide on her education as they were the one to be benefited by it. 

Raising five children was not easy. Grandmother was too old to be of much help. Her mother would get irritated with en-ending domestic work. She would frequently loose temper, specially if any trouble created by girls. Lakshmee was prime target as in contrast to her younger sister who never enjoyed studies, she would try to get every opportunity to turn pages of her books. She would rarely complain and seemed to be putting no ear to constant nagging of her mother. She would eat anything even two-three day stale food. She was especially fond of eating stale chappaties with hot tea. Now raining season was going on. Very few people in village had toilets. It was very cumbersome to relieve oneself specially for women in rainy season. She caught diarrhoea which was very common in this season and every year one or two people died because of it. She was having motions and was vomiting from morning only. Nobody seemed to care. Her grandmother gave lemon water time to time but Lakshmee lost her strength very fast. By evening she was not able to rush to the fields to relieve herself so she would use backyard of  her house. In the evening her mother told to her father to bring some medicines. His father said that early morning he would call Sharma doctor who was from nearby town but he was only doctor available for nearby villages. He was not MBBS but he would practice allopathy medicines. He would prescribe and sell most of the medicines himself only charging a very low fee. All night Lakshmee would be running up and down the backyard. Mother and father thought that she could pull up and there was no need to worry too much as in the morning only she would be provided with medicines. In the morning mother was aghast at seeing whole bed dirty. She shouted at Lakshmee but she somehow gathering her whole strength told her mother that she couldn’t move her body. Now her mother new something terrible had happened. Her mother started waling and shouting as well cursing that neighbours has done some black magic which is causing all the problem in the house. 

Her father ran to Sharma doctor.He and Sharma doctor came hurriedly on Sharma’s moped with drips and glucose bottles and started putting glucose to Lakshmee. He told her father that all the trouble was due to deficiency of water in blood, due to low volume of blood on account of this deficiency, there  was less oxygen reaching to brain. It caused paralysis which could be reversed if proper medication was given but it was not guaranteed. Her mother never believed the doctor and believed black magic by neighbours was the only reason. She wanted to consult Ojha (Black magic heeler) in neighbouring village. Many of the neighbours gathered with different types of advices and recommended different specialist doctors. Some suggested a multi speciality hospital in commiserate headquarters while others suggested a Homoeopathic doctor in district headquarters who was equally good but quite inexpensive in comparison to multi speciality hospital. Father decided to go to Homoeopathic one as he was not ready to stake all his money for her sake while he was not sure if she would ever recover. So her father arranged a auto and took her to homoeopathic doctor. Her mother accompanied with her women friends went to Ojha.   

Homoeopathy doctor began his treatment. Slowly-slowly she was recovering. Now she could move her fingers and hands a little and sometimes legs also. Every day she was regain control of her body progressively. I still believe that it was her strong will rather than the medicine that was recuperating her. Father would praise the doctor endlessly and mother would give credit to Ojha. Ojha had said to her that neighbours had installed three strong ghosts, a Brahma (dead Brahmin ghost), a Marhi (a dead child ghost) and a jinn ( a  moslem ghost). But slowly slowly he would remove them with his sustained efforts but it would be a difficult struggle. Her mother was confident that his efforts were going in right direction.

Time passed by. December came. Now she was much better and everybody was confident of her recovery. She could now sit down on her own could stand supported with a stick for few minutes. But now she was suffering with small cold. Doctor had suggested to keep her protected from cold. But Lakshmee wanted very badly to walk. By afternoon she was walking slowly-slowly with the help of stick. She was very happy. Now a days everybody was very sympathetic to her. Her brothers and sisters would devote considerable time to her and her mother would make her favourite dishes now a then. Her father would bring sweets frequently for her. She has not remembered any time till now being treated so well. Whole family was happy to see her walk and wanted all neighbours to see it. Lakshmee walked all evening supported by his brothers and sisters but around 6pm she was shivering and heaving very badly. She had strong fever. His father rushed to local medicine shop who would also prescribe medicines for small ailments. He gave him some medicines for fever and some injections to be given in morning when Sharma doctor would come to his Dispensary. His father gave medicines to her but her condition worsened. There was no transport in the village and one could get one only in the morning from nearby town area. Around 4 AM she closed her eyes and bade goodbye to this world. Probably she died of pneumonia. But nobody know for sure and her mother is confident that it was black magic.

I find it very difficult for me to judge her passing away. Was it better for her to leave this unequal or unjust world where girl is still a burden? Were her parents responsible or the society they were part of? Or as countryman we ourself who very much like to discuss and then forget that there are villages in our country without proper sanitation facilities, worthwhile education facilities, road connectivity, transport and basic health facilities. Perhaps I know the answer but ashamed to admit it.

Written by my elder brother, Manish Kumar Singh

https://www.facebook.com/notes/manish-singh/lakshmee-my-first-short-story/897761423568138

Misanthropist

There are moments when I find myself no less than a misanthropist, especially, after a rough timing with people. The innate selfishness driven with opportunistic trait attributes the majority of people and it often creates a doubt whether all those people who we see as good and others as bad have just difference of opportunity and fear. Morality often seems to fall apart falsifying the universality and Sat, Chit, Anand view of Human character. It is intriguing to see how we construe our own code of morality, though, limited in domain to exploit profit without having guilt of contradicting the larger aspect of morality. And there is where ‘Ethics’ comes into picture. After having many encounters in the past some days with people ranging from doctors to Rickshaw-wallas in the streets of Varanasi, I can say to some extent that we, human, are socially and emotionally controlled but selfish people. No doubt, there are instincts quite natural required for our survival who inadvertently lead us to selfish behavior but there are also social needs and emotional feeling like empathy, kindness which regulate our selfish motives. When survival becomes crucial, a person loses all the characteristic of being human. As study suggests, in the time of famine there are certain hormones secreted inside human body which make human to do everything for survival, even killing other people without any remorse. When the rules in the society along with innate kindness of people override these selfish instincts, society become safe and secure. Reducing the insecurity of people for survival and increasing the dependency among people could help in such scenario. 

Fan And Me

As a doctor, my younger brother has more to show his importance to my family members and neighbors. But being an engineer, I don't get much chance to showcase my abilities with practical utilities to people, other than engineers or scientists. Then, there is this opportunity I somehow convinced my mother of the importance of being an electrical engineer. It happened as the speed of ceiling fan of my room was not as fast as it should normally be. When the electrician came, he just replaced condenser of fan. Surprisingly, even though the fan was speeding fast, it was not throwing air downwards. Actually, all the air was being thrown upwards as the speed of fan had got reversed. Electrician had no idea how it happened.  And that was the time, I remembered the question asked during comprehensive viva about single phase induction motor during my engineering days in IIT, BHU and it took no time to realize that, in fact, the winding of condenser had been interchanged and therefore, the torque had got reversed. I just convinced the electrician to change the condenser location  and with all the surprise of my mother and electrician, the fan started running in the usual direction. And that was the time, my mother proudly introduced me as scientist to the electrician and It made my day. :)

Time Derivative Of Life

Gazing outside the window from the first floor of scientist hostel, I could feel the wet and cold sensation of wind blowing against my face. The feeling itself has a magical pull which brings myself in present, time and again whenever my mind drifts away in remembering the past and dreaming about future. With each passing time, I am loosing this place and within a month, I would see the place placed just in my memories. These three and half years of my life have witnessed many aspects of life which I am very sure have helped me to get an abstract meaning in rather meaningless world. Success and failure are too vague to define these periods of life as these event of "success" and "failure" consist of many dimensions, in some, they are antithesis of what they are perceived in another.

Little do we know about the end of journey when we start it. With each steps forward we discover a new path promising us to give another view of life. We are presented with the choices we cannot avoid. Choices might bring misery but without choices our journey would be just horizontal. We invite choices rather choices invite us. And it needs persistence and hard work to be awarded by choices. Choices are like twigs of trees where each twig will help us to move upward on the tree. Even though I am sceptical, if there  really exists any scenery other than what I see now. However, I find it as worth trying for at least, it would make my life derivative a non-zero.

Very often, the memories of past defines the path we are about the follow. They impress our mind with EXperiences and sometimes they change our perceptions too. That’s why we don't live a moment, we live a life where past and future are equally present.

I don't know where my thoughts got headed from the time I realized the cold sensation of wind against my face. Perhaps, it became bit philosophical. Though, I would be glad if  it would paint the picture which I was looking at while writing this post.

Quotes:

Often when we are at the verge of success and failure we can see the big lie of glory and much hyped fear of failure- Amit

Time derivative of life, when tends to zero.. Boredom is imminent- Amit

Feeling Worthy??

Image courtesy: studiomothers.com

For many, there are two distinct ways to feel worthy. Either by doing a worthwhile work or simply, by proving his work worthwhile to others. Former is  self-driven  whereas later is driven by other's judgement. People whose ego only feeds on  external motivations can again be classified into two not-so-distinct classes. First one tries to prove his work worthwhile whereas second one condescends other's work insignificant and mediocre.  Unfortunately, the hazards these second type of people can bring into any organization are often underestimated. Their egotism combined with arrogance engenders a lethal combination which poisons and erodes the core value of organization.  It is worth pondering how such 'mutation' happens; How a fresh graduate from college ends up being such creature. Though it would be amateurish to conclude based on limited observations nevertheless, It is not difficult to find a pattern. The pattern shows a direct relationship between being such creature and being an incompetent. Incompetency leaves no choice for survival other than to devolve into such being.

Where does the solution lie? Solution lies in recognizing such creatures as soon as possible. One needs to put  efforts as it might be difficult at times to see their real face in  the veil of intellectualism.  But once pinpointed, one should keep his/her ears and eyes away from them as it is more than enough to starve their ego.

Quotes

1. If you have not made any mistakes in your life, you would not have anything interesting to make other's laugh.
2. Choices engender confusions. But, often out of the confusions, we come to correct decision.
3. The image, we see of others, is always tinted with our own colors.
4. Experience is the additional lens; life rewards us to see the subtlety of life more clearly.
5. In hindsight, justification is often driven by rejection.
6. Happiness and sorrows in life are like poles and zeroes of control system. If positioned correctly, they       make life more happening and responsive.
7. Uniqueness lies in diversity. 
8. Efficiency : Meaning :: Adam Smith : Karl Marx :: Machine : Human
9. To me, an author is just an instrument who amplifies the thoughts and ideas filtered out by his consciousness. The 'bandwidth' of consciousness is critical in such scenario as it largely decides what thoughts and ideas it would amplify.