Final Words

As soon as I pondered why I would miss IT-BHU. A lot of thoughts rippled in my mind, created a turbulence, in which everything was blurred. I waited for it to settle down and whatever I am going to write is the reflection of my feelings. It’s amazing to feel that
New sense,
New friends,
New expectations,
New temptations are now

An experience,
A source of immense love,
Fulfilled ambitions,
A realization of baseless existence.

I can never forget the never-ending discussion to my friends. Sometime, this is mixed with noise and aggression. The domain of our discussion was small, but it has a larger range.

I will miss parties in IT-BHU, for they are the one who familiarized me the untouched dimension of my life.

I owe to Yogesh (Boka) for making me to pronounce the morally illegal statement after his constant practice for two years.

I owe to Praveen (Bihari) for criticizing my blogs, my theoretical thoughts and my life habits which steered to me a direction to became the greatest chatu(talkative) (As he is).

I owe to pavan (pamu) for understanding the deepest sense of love, its sweetness, its sourness, its softness, its hardness, its addiction and desperation.

I owe to Avanish(Gandhi) for understanding the techniques by which you always have some work in front of you (academic) and you have a way to show that you are the busiest person.

I owe to Santosh(santy) for his dedication in making class notes which are making us finally, a graduate engineer from IT-BHU.

I owe to Viram(veeru) for making me to understand the feasibility to eat maximum number of sweets (especially Rasgullas ) in parties without being noticed. His diligence and intelligence is not only limited to academics but also in other aspects of life.

I owe to Amit (bhabua) for making me to understand what it means to be cool in life and how to enjoy your life, the god has gifted to you. My discussion with him was like a struggle between logic and intuition which finally led us to peaceful acceptance of our point without any conclusion.

And finally if anyone has to realize how these 4 years are capable for an outstanding transformation in multi-dimensional personality, no one could portray as Amisha did.

I owe to every single individual of my branch. I am grateful to God that he has given me an opportunity to be with them in the journey of my life. I wish the great future for all of them.

Last B.tech class

Today was my last B.tech class and perhaps this is my last post during my B.tech curriculum. I am writing this post and contemplating all the reminiscence of my life in IT-BHU. How the 4 years is changed to images and events of past and leaving me a new thought, a new dimension and a new paradigm to my life. My beliefs, my identity and subject of curiosity have been refined if not changed. It was fascinating to observe so many diverse, unique and gifted personalities around me which itself claim the abundance intelligence of existence. If something really intrigued me is my perception about the right or wrong. Before 4 years the parameters to define right or wrong was different. But today the reference is changed and a sense of acceptance is dawning upon me. Personality is not result of any transition, it is creation, stirring of one’s inner being. My conflicts, my fight has developed a more resistance, in gross terms either it is tolerating pressure or humility from any one. I remember the day I entered this institute with hopes in my eyes and expectations of my parents. Today I am contended that t I have fulfilled it to a great measure. Sometimes it feels how cruel this life is. We bear the laughter and share the pleasures in the sweetness of life with our friends. Life gets you attached and then at the second moment makes you apart. We are thrown into an unknown world and start hankering for our identity, our place. New friends are made, new trends are followed. But with optimism, it feels like a new life to me. A new life in which you remember the past and dreams of future. It seems to me as a challenge which shapes you into a desirable personality. I hope my new life will make me a good person who will contribute to society and will extinguish the pain and sufferings of downtrodden people.
I have thought that I will try to write books reviews, movie reviews, my thoughts in politics and blogs on science and spiritualism from my next posts (after my end semester exam). These are the topics which I have not touched yet in my blog.

Deathless

मैं नीर भरी दुःख की बदली !

स्पंदन में चिर निस्पंद बसा,

क्रंदन में आहत विश्व हँसा,

नयनो में दीपक से जलते,

पलकों में निर्झनी मचली !

मैं नीर भरी दुःख की बदली !


विस्तृत नभ का कोई कोना

मेरा न कभी अपना होना


परिचय इतना इतिहास यही


उमटी कल थी मिट आज चली !


मैं नीर भरी दुःख की बदली !
by Mahadevi verma

In my words:


let heart be carved by tears,


be stirred up by your fears.


let it drink the elixir of silence,


let it see into other's , your resemblance.





life breaths through restless tides,


your tears and love move side by side.


your emptiness lifts you into space,


life-givingnes makes you DEATHLESS..

Pain and Sacrifice

Mahatma Gandhi used to say that whenever we are going to do something, visualize how t is going to affect the poorest man you have ever seen in your life. Our (above certain level in basic necessities) so called Happiness and sorrows are relative to person surrounding you (it is you who choose who are surrounding you). A theory of relativity generalizes the concept of our happiness and sorrows. Therefore this is an attempt to extinguish your pain and for all (I do not know who they are) who feel irritated, frustrated, feeling dejected and rejected over very trivial (in my views) issues.

It was a rainy day,

Inside there was a storm, outside, a funny day.

Tears were being washed by the drops of rain,

The strike of rain was making oblivious to pain.

(As I moved)

I saw an old farmer, struggling with coughing noise,

His hands were trembling but eyes are still in rejoice.

His sweats are dancing with the rain drops,

Like a father, he was protecting his crops.

I saw a woman, hiding a child in her bosom,

Like a warrior, she was fighting for someone.

She was running and running from one tree to another,

Not only the rain but trees had also tears for her.

I realized what an insane I am,

What a disdain pain, I have, compare to them.

My pains are only suffering, and theirs are sacrifice,

They are enjoying the pain which is of no price

Essence of Love

A drop of rain, when moist the dry fields, a fragrance pervades, creates an atmosphere of livingness.This fragrance is the joy and ecstasy, which does not remain bounded to rain and fields but becomes universal for everyone who wants to feel it. Trees grow green, as spring comes. Becoming green is not preparation of trees for spring but it is the spontaneous happening, a consequence. A lotus opens their petals as the sun rises. For lotus it is a way of expressing gratitude for its existence to the sun, which gleams it with divine beauty. A dry field loves the rain. Trees love spring. Lotus loves the sun. For me, love is unrestrained (universal) like love of rain and dry fields; spontaneous like love of trees and spring; a sense of gratitude like love of lotus and sun.
“Love is freedom” is the most common line, depicting love. No one talks about the lovers. Are they free? Is it the love that makes us free or free can love only? What is the level of freedom because freedom has a vast significance and can be classified into many categories? There are still many questions which I want to resolve. For this time I can only repeat the KHALIL GIBRAN’s line for the lovers

FILL EACH OTHER’S CUP BUT NOT DRINK FROM ONE CUP.

Honesty in relationships

Honesty is the best policy, sounds rhythmic but absurd.
Honesty is not a policy…
Reference to OXFORD dictionary
Policy---(a set of ideas or a plan of what to do in particular situations that has been agreed officially by a group of people, a business organization, a government or a political party)
The fundamental base of any relationship is honesty. Either this relationship is with our parents, our brothers or with our lover. But what does honesty means? I never regard honesty as a mutual sense of two or many (policy). I feel it as a state. Honesty is a state not a policy. When it is a state, it becomes independent of different relationships. It becomes all ours.We will be as honest to our parents as to our lover. But how does this state rises? This rises by taking our responsibility ourselves. It should not be imposed. Like one becomes honest because one wants others to be honest. It is same as crying the Sutras of nonviolence because of fear of dying. It may be an intelligent technique but cannot be nonviolence.
Here our honesty is not a state. It is an event that happens due to others expectations. Often during making relationship we pretend ourselves to a character that we are not. This ploughs the seeds of dishonesty. It happens because we never accept our self in totality. We want to be others to get others. Somewhere we miss our self-respect. Everyone is unique. God does not create carbon copies. I feel personally, a person with sense of inferiority cannot be honest in relationships and reverse is also true that if a person is dishonest, then he has a feeling of inferiority. This may be one reason of disastrous result of arrange marriage in past. Women were imposed with inferiority by the society by rules (Manusmirti). Love is prerequisite of honesty and acceptance of us in integrity is prerequisite of love.

Present is Present

Caution: I do not know what is to live in present. I just want to express my thoughts to support the views of enlightened being of living in 'present'. It is only a possibility, not a certainty.

All living things have one common thing. Birth and death ,our initial and final state, between it there is process which we call life. Life is process of change, a change to welcome the death, the ultimate state. If there is something certain in life that is death. Time creates illusion. We can live only in present. So only present is reality. Past and future do not exist. But most of our actions are motivated by past and inspired by future. We forget present. The remembrance of past and dream of future clouds the present. Therefore we live life virtually. Perhaps this may be reason why gurdijeff says that people lives their whole life in sleep. But it is not easy either to be live in present and perhaps one who learns is known as enlightened. A fictitious happiness cannot content us and perhaps this may be a reason why we never get contentment. From centuries we are told, live in present, live with awareness. Just by living completely in present, the distance of your birth and death vanishes. Birth, death and present coincide at one point. For a man living in present, it does not matter whether he dies today or will die after 20 years, because today and after 20 years he will be in present. He still has same being, filling him a sensation of his existence at that moment. He conquers the fear of the death and get detached from the attachment of past. When we are hungry, we eat at that time. One cannot free from hunger by thinking about food in past or desiring about food in future. Even hunger cannot, how one can get peace, enjoyment, thinking about the past and future. Even if he gets it, it is virtual and psychological.
Desires are product of future. Attachments are the product of past. This is why desires and attachment are claimed as reason of all distress. One cannot free from desires and attachment until he lives in present. So someone has well said,” past is history, future is mystery, present is gift that’s why we call it as present.”

UTSAVA

My belief has wandered from Asharam Bapu to osho, retreating many places like Gaytri parivar and ISKCON. I feel fortunate to have experience of all and when someone is catering just in 500 rs why should I not increase the quantity of my experience. So as soon as I was asked about the UTSAVA event in art of living, I accepted. The first thing which I feel good was the balanced participation of boys and girls. At least it was not barren like ISKCON where number of males over females still manifests the negligence of one of the essential part of society. I do not know whether it is negligence of females or result of their philosophical and non-practical attitude. But whatever is the reason, spiritualism is beyond the physical appearances and if it is not, then there must be same male chauvinist attitude which were in the ancient tradition, devised by man. I was welcome with a tilak on my head and entered one of the 4 zone classified for equal distribution of crowd. One young person, clad in white kurta payjama appeared with a mike and addressed with his sweet, soft voice. Then we are told to do surya namakar. He assured that if you do 40 namaskar then no one can touch you (but still I am puzzled). People approved through thundering claps. Somehow I managed myself to belief without asking any proof and with great enthusiasm I participated. I did pranayam and then the sudarshan kriya. Really I felt a vibration throughout my body. It was fascinating for me to feel the unusual vibration in a rhythmic sense. I was feeling a union of my tongue, hands, and legs as they had become the part of energy surrounding my body. I do not know whether it was some extraordinary happening (as they claimed) or an ordinary (nonsignificant) (as critics claimed) sensation but whatever it was, I was relaxed. Thoughts were settled and focus was cleared. I bought one T-shirt advertising the global spiritualism in the front and ‘smile’ on the back. I liked it and prefer it to continue. But their philosophy about mind control and clinging to someone still contradicts my own and gives me a chance to get a new experience.

Our Shadows

Every day is new day. A new day to follow your dreams, a new day to take resolution, a commitment to be happy. Whatever will happen to me, nothing will tear my happiness. This should be an attitude towards our life. No one can snatch your happiness from you because this is nature of your being. But how you are going to remember this. For this prayer are devised, meditation is developed, to be prepare for the day, to conquer the obstacles and difficulties of the life. There is a story. Once there was a crow. He was very hungry. But there was nothing to eat. Just few meters away there was a river. When his every trick failed to get food he thought why I should not catch a fish? He flew above the river, looked deep into the water. As he was about to hunt a fish, he saw his own shadow and thought that someone is coming to fight. He gets frightened and trembled and fell in the river. This is what happens to us. We are so equipped with inner – fight that we forget our goal, our dreams. In reality there is nothing to fight. Only requirement is to recognize it as a shadow. Our shadow exists only in the absence of light. Light appears; Shadow disappears. This is why Mahavira and Buddha talks about awareness. In the light of awareness, the shadow of inner fight vanishes.

Life is peace

One of my friends is religious type. He wants perfection and disdains the sense of competition. One day when the result of end semester was going to out. I saw him in the VT (Vishwanath Temple). With a great silence and admiration of the beauty that surrounds the VT, he prayed to the lord Siva “Oh lord! Please give me good grades.” But he is brilliant too. How god will understand what good is? So again he prayed”, oh my lord, please give me as good grades as all the good students use to have.” This is what most of so called person in this world are doing. They want peace and harmony in their life. They want this peace to be derived by the struggle. The struggle never ceases to stop because how much one attains he always feel some emptiness in their life. Struggle is like a moving rope, binded around our neck. To cope with it we have to move along with the rope. The moment we stop, we are choked. “Life is a struggle. “This statement seems rational because as rope of struggle is moving, in the same way, we see our life is moving. We were child. Now we are young and in future we will be old. Our relationships, our priorities and our preferences are moving. Both life and struggle have one similarity that both are moving. But whatever we are observing is very superficial, materialistic. There is something that is constant which our undefined being is. There is still something in you whom make you feel that your body, your eyes; your heart is always yours. Whatever time it will be, you can feel your individuality. If I am writing here, there is something constant in me and with that reference I am realizing the movement. You can say that to realize the movement one can have a moving reference but again for realizing that reference is moving you should have a constant reference. So ultimately something is constant in you. Constant can never be originated and can never be destroyed because they are not varying and origination and destructions is still a variation. So I feel this constant in you is your soul (As described in GITA by Krishna). Peace is constant. If you have ever realized the momentary peace, you cannot distinguish the nature of peace you cannot quantify the sense of peace like more peace and less peace and if we do then in the first case we are ignorant about the peace and in the second case our peace is not peace it is repressed struggle for peace. Buddha and Mahavira had cut the rope of struggle by the knife of awareness. One who make reference to the constant (Satya -chita- Ananda). For them life is not struggle. It is peace.

Abstraction of knowledge

Science means purified knowledge. But what about the process that converts the raw knowledge into purified form and who is the authority to claim the distinction of raw and pure. It is we that try to align the knowledge in our dimension. This is our projection. And projections are virtual. So there is abstraction. This is same as to claim an object’s length by its shadow. Whole day the length of shadow is varying. We need to know the position of sun for actual length. Your sun is in you. We need to acknowledge it. I was puzzled and perhaps all will be, when they will think about the Lao tzu statement that knowledge in inexpressible through words. It can only be felt in silence. First thing, here, Lao Tzu is talking about the knowledge we already posses. It is to be remembered only. It cannot be categorized in raw and pure because this knowledge is in the centre of your sun. It has no projection.
When we see a rose. We can feel its beauty. But the same beauty cannot be felt by the description of the beauty of rose. You can have the best description but the synchronization of your inner being with the beauty is not at all possible. No mathematical formulation can quantify the ecstasy and joy of the two lovers. Science is beyond it. Whenever you are happy whole world seems beautiful and when you are unhappy, whole world becomes ugly. This is proof of the fact that everything is your projection. If it is your projection then you have always a distinction what is beautiful and what is ugly. Judging something beautiful still approves that something is ugly. So in GITA Krishna has announced to be equal in happiness and unhappiness. This simply reflects to be meditated to your inner consciousness, your inner sun. How can be a projection of an object can be made if the object is in the centre of the sun? Then what ever you view will be bliss. No one can categorize it. It will have no opposites. This is what our scripture say YOGA (samatvam yogam uchayte). But here also word ‘YOGA’ is an abstraction of the feeling, the bliss.