Homeless Child

This is a story of a woman who had lost everything in his life. She had no purpose to live. But one day her life again filled with love, laughter and poetry.

In the silence of her shadow

She remained hidden

Frightened by the light

She resided in the gloom of day and night

Her heart pounded, her eyes searched

For an unknown, mysterious, unspecified

She looked into sky and deep into her heart

She saw the sky as a reflection of her heart

Blank, colourless, cloudless and barren

Yenning for the drop of rain

Trying to be oblivious to her aching and pain

Enduring the words ‘mad’ and ‘insane’

She was in the pursuit of the meaning

The gist of her life

She wanted to run like a child

Running in the garden so freely, so jovially

She wanted to fly in the sky like the bird

So smoothly, so graciously, so lively

And one day clouds spread into her heart

It rained, flower boomed, fragrance prevailed

She danced; she sang; she ran; she flew

She was no longer a cripple

Sitting on a wheel chair

Her soul was dancing in the air

Ruining all the subtle layer

Of weakness, tediousness, vagueness

She got the miracle in his eyes.

Music in his words; delight in his smile,

Vigour to run miles after miles.

*In the innocence of this homeless child

She got her home, her essence of life,

And a longing to live till eternity

As she had realized the love, the beauty

Lost Love

*It is a purely fictitious story.Any resemblance to it is purely coincidental. 

“You never realize death until you realise love “

I could not understand this quote until I met her. Yes! There is death because love gives you a new life. I too got a new life, a life full of love and full of wish to live till eternity. I remember when she first entered in class and I, sitting with my back bencher friends was looking so vigorously. I would not say that it was love in first sight but still it was something I never felt in my whole life.

Time passed. My heart got strong to convince me that I was in love with her. My eyes, who were so obsessed with her image were witness. My mind which always remained occupied with her thoughts was another witness. Realizing the sensitivity of my being and strong convincing facts provided by witnesses, I got the final verdict from my heart that I was in love.

“I am in love… But does she like me? Would she love me?”

These were questions that were pinching and trying to bleed my heart. More often, to cover our weaknesses we turn into philosophy. I became a  philosopher. I was happy realizing that love is a state; it need not be mutual; at least nature has given us freedom to love anyone and this is the best gift to mankind.

I saw her when she looked away. I still don’t know why I was not able to see directly in her dark expressive eyes. May be , I was afraid of me; I was afraid of the word ‘love’; I was afraid of rejection.

Finally the day came, we were in farewell party. She looked stunning. But a subtle layer of melancholy was in her face. My heart was beating fast; I could not imagine how I would live without seeing her. I thought that I should express my love to her. But fate had some other things to do; I heard that one of my friends had already proposed her. I was dumbstruck I did not ask what she did. I left the college and tried everything to blot her out from my mind.

Five years passed. I got selected in IIT-JEE and got a good job. I had to visit my native place. I got in the train. I was reading the news-paper. Suddenly, I got shocked on my fate to see her, sitting in front of me. I wiped my eyes many times as I was not sure it was mere my imagination or a reality.She was looking more beautiful in her red Sari. I was very familiar with her dark expressive eyes and it was reality. How could I forget those eyes which were once mirror of my love?

Oh, what was that…She had a mangalsutra around her neck…I was shocked…

“How longer have you been married?”

This was the first question, I ever asked to her in my whole life.

“Oh, you remember me. I thought you would have forgotten me. “

“Two years! You know, Rahul, he is my husband.”

“Oh, it’s great. You had better invite me. I would not have missed it. “

“Really, I never knew you would have so much time to come to my wedding. You were so busy in school days that you got no time to talk to us. But anyways, I would like to invite on my son’s birthday, would you like to come? “

“It’s my pleasure. I would love it. Oh, I really did not expect that you would have son too.”

“Tell me what are you doing? When is your training going to start? “

I was dumb struck how did she know about my training. I even did not tell her about my education or job.

“Training..? It would start from December in Pune. By the way how do you know about this?”

“Everyone is not like you. We have some time for friends too. “

“Friend”… I was like in heaven when she called me friend.

“Friend…? “

“Oh, I am not in a level to be your friend.”

“Please…don’t say this…really! You see me as a friend.”

Silence…there was a pin drop silence…

…This was silence before the storm…

Storm came. It rained. Salty water trickled through the corner of her eyes… moistened her rosy face…she did not speak a word…but her eyes spoke a lot… I could see what I had lost in the tears of her eyes… we got off the train but I am still in the train of her thoughts…

Dear Friends!This is my first attempt at this genre to which I am quite unfamiliar. So thanks for bearing it. :)

Life, Memories, Dreams; My Thoughts

I always feel that autobiographies are fictional as they are always written in the light of success or achievements. More often it is success in one’s life that prompts one to connect the previous dots of life and create a better picture with bright colours. Retrospection makes things brighter and colourful. However, it is always better to connect the dots of past to interpolate your future.

One is not born a genius, one becomes a genius. It is journey of life that moulds us. So what we are today is consequences of all the histories we have made till today. It is amazing to think that our history shapes us which in result shapes our future. Once history was future and one day future would be history too. Life can be simulated as a closed complex nonlinear system that propagates towards future with a feedback from the past.

In control system, there is concept of poles and zeroes. It says that if a system does not have poles and zeroes, system will be flat, barren and dull. In life, I think happiness and sorrows are pole and zeroes which creates peaks and valleys that make scenery of life so tempting and attractive. This is something chosen by nature. We are just in delusion of choosing things. Matter and antimatter co-exist. They not only nullify but also define each other. We are choosing pizza; because nature has given us hunger. This hunger makes us to appreciate the food, we are eating. If we never get hungry and other human basic instincts what would be difference between a stone and human. So to feel that we exist; we are alive, I feel somewhere the integrated views of things are to be accepted.

Memories and dreams are one of the best gifts that nature has blessed to mankind. Remembering the past gives me a sense of gratefulness towards life as I am so fortunate to live so many years of loving life. Looking back makes things so happier, so jovial, so lively that even suffering seems just a contrasting layout to make the picture of happy moment clearer and deeper. The pain endured just before the exam; the humiliation suffered after proposing the girl; the slap by the father; the fight with street boys entertain us like self produced, self directed and self acted movie. Memories are our best friend and often in form of experience and knowledge they lead us to our goals and aims.

Dreams are interpolated curve of life congruent to our memories, present and our ambitions. We dream because this is what we want to be. In dream we can be any person; we can possess anything. Dreams are great because no motivator and speaker can motivate or inspire you as you can be motivated or inspired by your own dreams. A strong dream provides us persistence and patience to fight against all the odds of our life.

The best thing I personally feel about dream and memories are they make me able to travel in time. No wonder, if I would call them Time Machine. I know....Stephen Hawking has proved that time machine is not possible...But mind it... he is not talking about my time machine. Everyone owns this time machine but just you have to know how to drive it..... So my friend! Are you ready to drive?

Someone has said, “Life is so beautiful that even death loves it so much.” And I really mean it. Life is beautiful because there is so much diversity; there is so much uniqueness; there is so much excitement. Curiosity flavours the taste of life. Our natural instincts give aim to our life. Knowledge and love gives a meaning to our life. There is suffering, there is pain but there are so many options, so many alternatives, and so many unique possibilities that even in the most disastrous condition, one can find a genuine way to move in life. It is miracle of life that every person, everything is so unique. God does not create carbon-copies. And this is the beauty of life. We make our life ugly because we do not understand our uniqueness and always try to imitate someone. This is where conflict starts and for us, despite “Life is beautiful”, the quote “life is struggle” seems more pragmatic and more profound.

Life should flow like a river. It should not be like a pond, confined in certain limits. Life like pond begins to stink. We need to flow in our own rhythm. We often create boundaries that restrict us to see far away. These boundaries are very subtle inside our mind. People praise you; people curse you; people hate you; people care you; these are all the bricks of these boundaries. The flow of life is distorted in people’s opinions.   

Happy Durga Puja :)

Corruption Tree

One day, the great king of great territory announced,” from now onwards, drinking wine is strictly outlawed and if anyone was found drunk, would be directly hanged till death.” The sudden decision of king spread in every nook and corner of city like fire in the forest. People became restless as it was not easy to leave their lifelong addiction in one moment. A group of dignitaries were formed to present their case before the king.

The chief of the group said with a ton of humbleness,” O, Great king! You are mightier in the mightiest. Please let us give some time to leave this addiction. Otherwise half the people of city would be hanged.”

Meanwhile a villager who was standing near the group whispered to his neighbour, “How fool our chief is! Does he not know that king's decision would be valid for a single day? “

To the embarrassment, his neighbour replied in mocking tone,” if you were so intelligent, you would be chief. It is such a serious issue and you, fool, are beating about the bush.”

The villager replied with annoyance, “Don’t you see, king himself is drunk. Do you think that king would like to be hanged too? Once king would come into sense, no longer this decision would be valid.”

King tried to answer the ‘chief’ but to the surprise of courtiers and people, he trembled and fell to the ground and his crown rolled and rolled and hit the feet of the villager.

Analysis:

 What I want to illustrate through this story is the distorted image of corruption of which we are somewhat addicted to. Corruption is more like a banyan tree that grows from the roots but once it is rooted deep it become so hard to drag it up. So the best way to kill the tree is to cut it branches, its twigs, its trunk and slowly- slowly it would get weaker and could be killed.

Corruption in society starts from basic level; like from a village, spreads to higher level. But to eliminate it, it would be better to eliminate it from bigger level to basic level.

How can we expect a thief to leave his act when the police take bribes?

How can we expect from babus to be honest when bureaucrats and leaders at higher level stock illegal money in their Swiss account.

How can we expect a student to be prudent and honest when his teacher himself is not prudent and honest?

It’s the system that is forcing the commoner to become corrupt.

No Corruption-preventive law can be fully utilized unless we start blotting corruption out from the top.

CBI is not meant only for investing and solving petty cases. It is shame for CBI for not to be able to solve bigger cases.  Do you want to read about this more? Click here

*I am not here blaming people at the higher level for more corruption than people, at lower level. I just want to suggest a solution for its prohibition. Individual transformation is required for tackling corruption but I always feel the need of catalyst in form of inspiration and motivation that can be better transferred from people at higher level.

*I have tried my best to write the story congruent to the message I want to deliver. But if anyhow I have not succeeded. Please read it as two separate posts...

Beauty ??

Have you ever felt what sets wings to your emotion as you suddenly exclaim,” What a beautiful thing this is!” For us anything can be beautiful, irrespective of person, place or emotion. Even a tragic movie ends, leaving tears into our eyes and our heart wells out saying it beautiful.

So, really, to define beauty is as difficult as to define ‘point’ in mathematics. However, I would say everything, beautiful which is the object of happiness. But remember, not the source of happiness. The difference of object and source must be understood to appreciate this definition. Let me explain it through example:

When we meet our loved one after a long-time, our eyes become full of tears. We cry...But we feel happiness...I would call it beauty....
But how am I able to witness this beauty? It is because I have already bore the pain of being away from her.
The source of happiness is the pain. But Pain itself is not the happiness.

May be for one person, the clamouring of birds is just noise and for other it is the music of existence. For a same person, a flower seems an ordinary thing at one moment. And at the next moment, it starts appearing a beautiful gift of existence.

Does it mean that beauty is only in eyes of seer?  Does it mean it is psychological? Does it mean that we have to squeeze the beauty by being in complete awareness? Well, I feel it is.

What makes TajMahal beautiful? What makes a golden sculpture more beautiful than iron sculpture?

When we see an object, we perceive an image in the reflection of many things. Like if we are seeing a historical building, its history and mystery is as important as its infrastructure in judging beauty.

Even gold and diamond are regarded as beautiful, not only because they are but also due to rarity and usefulness. For a child, I think marble and gold would not make a difference in terms of beauty. 

What makes a woman/man beautiful for man/woman?

It is his/her desire, in the shadow of which they define beauty. Well, sex is an important aspect but it is not the only one; care, compassion, security and many other things plays a vital role in judging the person beautiful.

He likes SRK( actor) but his liking is just projection of his subtle desire to be like him. He likes Aishwarya because consciously and unconsciously he wants to posses her.

One calls Mother Teresa beautiful, not because her appearance but due to her philanthropic works.

One likes Ferrari not because it looks but it would fill his subtle desire. Now this desire is also product of many things (human instincts).

Why do we consider white people more beautiful?

I think it is just conditioning of mind. Black people had been subjected to slavery, humiliation and disgrace for many centuries. Consequently, people’s minds have been conditioned to accept this bitter and atrocious fact even today. It is imperative to ponder as there are some communities where measurement of beauty is just reverse of general thinking. Even Krishna, who is considered as the most beautiful person on earth had dark complexion which itself shows dark was beautiful in the past. Society fills our mind with prejudices and dogmas, in the reflection of which we judge beauty.

What I conclude is when we see an object we judge it according to its attributes in every dimension like history, mystery, pain endured, rarity and usefulness. Beauty is a function of those attributes which are just projection of our desire.

World would be always discriminated in two parts- beautiful and ugly if we did have desire and conditioned mind.

Absolute beauty...?

As I have not experienced what absolute beauty is. So at most I can give a hypothetical explanation of absolute beauty. When one sees an object without any judgement of good or bad; without any history or mystery; without any desire, I think the emotion he feels at that very moment would be absolute beauty. And beauty of this assumption lies in the fact that in this way everything would be beautiful. An eternal beauty would be in one’s eyes. This might be the beauty which is explained in our scriptures and is felt by very rare personalities like Buddha (after enlightment).

Beauty And Happiness

A Story By Kahlil Gibran:

In the deep sea, two oysters were talking to each other. First one said,” I have a very great pain within me. It is heavy and round and I am in distress.”

Second one replied with haughty satisfaction ,” God is so great, I am so happy. I am well and whole both within and without.”

At the moment, a crab, who was hearing the words of both, said to the one who was well and whole both within and without ,” yes, you are well and whole; but the pain that your neighbour bears is a pearl of exceeding beauty.”

Just Contemplate it. Would you like to interpolate a relation between happiness and beauty?

Fields bear the pain of being ploughed to grow beautiful plants.

A mother bears the pain to unleash the utmost beauty of creativity.

Sun burns itself to light the world.

Thorns grow before the roses bloom.

Even trees have to be naked before having beautiful leaves.

The beauty of one's deeds will certainly ovecome the pain of one's sorrows. Very few are so fortunate to do so. Always there were people who did this. Buddha did; Mahavira did; Jesus did; Gandhi did; Mother Teresa did. Now it's our turn.Would you like to spread beauty at the cost of your sorrows? 

Cheers!!   

Feeling Of ‘I’.

Caution: Dear Readers! Please read if you really want to read my nonsensical (bakwaas) thoughts; otherwise please leave it and wait for another post.....

One of the most intriguing questions that make me to think is how I feel it’s my body. I can feel my legs, hands, eyes; in short, every parts of my body. I can think and even watch what I am thinking. One can witness oneself as a third person, standing in the corner of the room. From where, this feeling comes. Is it my mind or is it governed by my soul?

People, who believe in the existence of soul, no doubt, would say this feeling to be governed by soul. More or less, in every religion the concept of soul is accepted. Hinduism believes the soul as an immortal element that changes itself from old body to a new body; every living thing has a definite soul and the ultimate goal of soul is salvation.

“Living things”? How can one discriminate between living thing and non living things are itself a puzzling question? Some centuries ago, trees were not understood as living beings. And today, they are. If we read apocryphal stories like Mahabharata and Ramayana, even the inanimate (Sun, Moon and stars etc) things (which is considered by Science today) are depicted as living things. (Sun, Moon and stars etc). Science is progressive and still trying to reveal the hidden secrets. And it might be possible that we would hear the new definition of ‘Living Things’. Human body is made of billions of cells. Scientist says every cell is living thing as it can grow, reproduce etc. So if we conclude according to science and Hinduism, we had better say that our body consists million of souls. If not, tell me what would you say these cells, bacteria, virus; living or non-living?

 If we follow the concept of soul then it seems logical to assume that number of total soul would be fixed at a certain moment. It is somewhat like the law which says total energy of the universe is constant. So souls change it cloths (as Gita explains) and wear new. But if we observe current increasing population that simply implies that more and more souls are placing themselves in the new body. So from where these souls are coming. Is this increase in human beings being compensated by decrease in the population of other species? I do not think so. What I find, population is increasing in every species and so is soul which itself contradicts the constancy in the number of souls.

Before drawing any conclusion, I asked this question to my younger brother who is currently doing M.B.B.S. What he told me was purely scientific, more suited for doctors to understand. He explained that in our brain there is limbic system which is responsible for making one to feel about his body.

But the next question that I put forward was,” Medical is doing so many miracles as today it is possible to changes one heart, kidney, eyes , would it be possible in future to change one’s brain.”

He said,” Might be.”

Well, then it would not be a way to immortality. Only we would have to find a body and then a Doctor who could transplant our brain to the body. We would get the feeling of “I’, so a new life.

 But intuitively I feel it is not possible, is it?

It is amazing to know that we, who might have soul or mind or both of them, are made of inanimate things, like amino acid and other complex chemical compounds.

Our cells divide (mitosis and meiosis) and hence form new cells. This is the way we grow or any living thing grows. But at every division the size of something(size of chromosomes) get reduced. This reduction leads to oldness. It is quite amazing that at one side something is growing where at other something is reducing too. Hope!  in future Scientist would control this reduction and hence our age.

Specific hormones are responsible for specific actions and again your actions are responsible for secretion of certain hormones. What an amazing cycle this is! Cause and effect are so amazingly interrelated.  

I don’t know how I should conclude this post. So, please excuse me. It is just what came in my mind in random fashion. Thanks a lot for bearing me. Hope, your comments would make it somewhat conclusive.

A Real Incident

On 16th, I was coming from Kanpur to Varanasi. I got in chaurachauri-express and was impatiently waiting for train to move. As the train moved I moved to the upper birth. I was somehow trying to counteract the clamoring and rustling of surrounding by soft music of my I-Pod. Everything was going well. I could hear the continuous chattering of two girls, political debate of some aged people and a heated discussion between some future doctors ( including my younger brother) and a policeman, on a very popular topic, 'Increasing immorality in younger generation'. As soon as, train reached Allahabad, a mob of thirty to forty guys, aged in between 20 to 30, got in the train like a storm. The atmosphere filled with slang and vulgar words. They started running from one end to other, inspecting every nook and corner of compartment to find a perfect place where they could able to do what they wanted. Unfortunately, just beside me, two of them got the suitable place as just in front of them, a girl was sleeping. They started speaking in their own dialect that appeared so filthy due to their slang and vulgar words. People, around me, were hearing but ignoring probably, because of their number.

Suddenly, one of them asked the girl to give her book, she was reading. She refused. Then, they said rudely," why?” She did not respond. Then they started speaking in broken English with each other in a way to tease her. She covered her face and pretended to be slept. After some time, one of them went to some other place.

Then something started pinching my heart. "Can I only write articles on Eve Teasing or can I do something too?" I began to think the possible solutions and obviously, the first solution came to my mind was to warn them and despite it, they were not following, gave a hard punch on their mouth. In any way I was stronger than two. Well, I am 6 feet tall and have been a regular Gym- freak for 2 years. But soon I realized I am not Bollywood hero and needed some different solution. To be honest, I was afraid, not by two, but by all. So, I followed a different technique.

I asked one of them in a friendly way," Where are you from?"

He replied, “Bairiya."

(I really did not have any idea about this place)

"Oh, it's great place. Many of my friends are from there. Where are you returning from?"

He told me that they were returning from Allahabad where they went yesterday for participating in the selection process of C.R.P.F(Cental Reserve Police Force). But some of them could not pass, even the physical test. Then he started blowing his trumpet. His uncle is this; his brother is that…I hardly listening to him but surely pretending that he was heard. After so many big deeds and good thing, he told about his family, I at once asked," you are from such a good family and from such a good place too. Then, why are you staining the name of your family and place by doing such mean things. Don’t you feel, one day, it might happen to your sister or your mother?"

He grinned with a filthy smile. I hated his disgusting smile.

But, somehow I felt that my technique worked. It is good to increase the people's level at such a standard in their own eyes so that they would start feeling humiliation to do such mean things, at least in front of you. This was exactly what I did.

But everything got ruined as his friend reappeared. He addressed him in such vulgar language that it was unbearable for my ears to hear. I warned to be in limits as this was a train where many civilized people were travelling.

He said, "Kaha jaa rahe hai Aap"

I did not want to answer, however I replied, “Varanasi."

I was amazed why the girl was bearing all this. Why was she not hitting a tight slap on their filthy face? At least, she could share her problem to the people, around her. And definitely, it would have more impact on people than mine.

But, whatever was reason, I have decided that if they tried to cross a threshold limit, I would talk to people around me and I was confident that they would protest by hearing their scornful deeds.

I was bemused if she wanted to tolerate all this and did not want to make hue and cry or really, she wanted to get rid of them.

There are people who think, it would be better to be blind and deaf, like an ostrich hiding his head in sand, than to face. And even, if you try to actuate, you are tearing their stiff cover from their face which could be more painful than to hear all this nonsense.

It might be the prayer of girl to God or just a coincidence, T.T. appeared and when he checked their tickets; all were without tickets. He forced them to get out from the train. With a tumultuous struggle, they got out from the train, restoring civilized and peaceful ambiance. But despite all this, one of them finally threatened the T.T.," you are not doing right by letting me out of the train. You don't know who I am?."

I get puzzled, whenever I think, how these filthy pigs develop so much courage to sit in reserved compartment without tickets; to tease one; to threaten one, without caring that they can be beaten; can be jailed. 

Everything got over but left me with many questions. Can such people defend our country? Are such people worthy to be police? Surely not, it is not physical fitness but mental fitness (character, morality and ethics) is more required to be a responsible police; otherwise cases like rape, bribe, and corruption would be continued for ever.

        

I cannot even consider them animal. I have no word to abuse them.

If I did name disgust, hatred, aversion, abhorrence in one word, surely I would.

3rd 55 Fiction;

He felt himself almost in heaven,

when he saw those deep-expressive-soft eyes,

watching  him with a delightful smile.

She was looking so stunning and vivacious.

A magnetic pull forced him to change his place beside her.

To his surprise…..

She was still watching the same place.

….

.

.

.

She was blind.

Message-Light up a life, Please Donate your Eyes.. :)

* A short-break from blogging world; See you soon :)

Love; In A New Paradigm

'Love' is one of the most popular words of English literature. But somehow, I feel the description of love is too irrational. I am calling it irrational because I never find rational background where it's exact meaning can be conveyed. I am not only one who is calling it irrational; our mystics, Sufis and sages also have been decorating it with 'irrational', 'no-mind', 'timeless' and other similar adjectives for centuries. Our poems, songs, sayaris have alienated the sense of love on such a virtual ground that it seems impossible to relate it to our life in a rational way.

Well, after reading some articles, I come to conclusion that 'Love' has a rational background. Love is to be valued because it enhances all the pleasures of life like music, beauty of mountains, sunrise and sunset. It can be experienced and can be felt in a very pragmatic way. And if someone has not felt it, he has missed to realize the absolute pleasure which could be realized.

Nature has made male and female with such instinctive purposes that to fulfill it; both need a complete biological cooperation. This absolute cooperation hammers the stiff shield of ego. An egoless nature is sine qua non for enjoying the magical pleasure of love.

Love is the commonest form of emotion leading to cooperation. Rationally, one can not consider love as one's state of being (to be independent of the person who is loved). Do people feel that Love is only giving? No doubt, there are exceptions. But I doubt, hardly anyone can implement such ideas in their practical life. These ideas can be enjoyed in poetry but can be hardly felt in personal life. And the real problem arises when so called definition of love contradicts the rationality of our life.

Like most of the things, love is not state-independent. Love between mother and her child is the highest form of love. Then there is our love with brother, sister, wife, community and nation. It is the intensity of love which classifies love into different states.

I do not know, to what extent, I have justified the word 'Love' as I am not very familiar with this word. But one thing I have felt, absence of love gives pain.

*Dear Reader! The sense of 'Love' is so profound that it hardly can be explained fully or perfectly by a person like me. It is just a curiosity to understand it in a scientific way(in a rational perspective).....