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Lifeless Life




 Yesterday, as my housemaid was explaining to my mom how she lost her nose rings, for a moment I started listening to her. She was saying that his husband slapped her so hard that it got lost in the room. And shocking thing was that her expression was showing her concern, only for nose ring. Being slapped seems like her fate or a routine of her life. To my surprise, she is the only earning member of her family, somehow caring her three small children and alcoholic husband. Well this is one particular incident but in general, such incidents are happening in more devastating form in every nook and corner of India.


What I think, there may be three reasons that has constrained such woman to live this lifeless life.
1.)     Fear of self; fear of being alone in this inhuman world.
2.)    Fear of her children’s future.
3.)    Choked with dogmatic thinking of accepting his pati as Parmeshwar
Well, 3rd reason seems me quite absurd and if there is any exception, this will be just an adoption to defend her; to be satisfied by escapism philosophy that all, which is happening, is just  result of her sins in past which is inevitable to bear in this life.
‘Fear of being alone’ is real problem, every woman have to face in this male chauvinist society. Despite she is earning member, the environment surrounds her is so bigotry that her one step of releasing herself from this hellish life would lead her to social isolation. Not only men but also the other women who are suffering too, are not going to support anyone. Ignorance breeds many deadly emotions like envy and mercilessness. A comparison that her husband beats her less than other becomes a fact of pride.
“Fear of children future” is very natural for a woman who feels a responsibility. No doubt, for a proper development of children, requirement of father is as much important as a mother. But what about those families where everyday children has to witness the naked brutality and cruelty of his father, hopelessness of her mother?
The reason of such fear, I think, is just a lack of self confidence. She has courage; she is industrious; she can earn, even can take care of children but a inhibition of doing strange, unusual is preventing to put her step. A triggering is required. And people, like us can trigger. An NGO can trigger. Media can trigger. Just she has to straighten her courage and persistence in the line of her hopelessness and weakness, many things will be sort out.
I really appreciate Kiran Bedi for her noble work in “AAP KI KACHEHRI” and give kudos to media for such constructive way to sort out such problems. She certainly proves that we can do more than to just write article on such issues. Hope! In future I will be part of such satisfying work.

A quote from my own post...
The real significance of our life reflects from the radiating eyes and happy smile, which we bring out to human being through our deeds, in the journey of our life.

Comments

Ekam said…
Our mais was having the same problem for years . We always used to say to her that separate from him . But this time her husband just crossed the limit. He came home drunk and beat her and tried to kill her and their children. This was the limit and finally we made her go to the police station and lodged FIR. But she kept on saying the same .. "mere bachho ka kya hoga" ..
BK Chowla said…
Unfortunately,our girls are taught to accept any treatment the huaband gives.But the time is coming when the women will not and should not accept this nonsense.
Singh Amit said…
@ Ekam
Thanks for the comment... :)
Really it is very serious issue that has made their life hellish. They are in situation....neither then can live nor can leave. That is the reason why I have called their life...Lifeless Life....
Singh Amit said…
@ Chowla Ji..
Thanks for the comment... :)
Really, for such people, marriage is like agreement in which wife should act as a slave for whole life.
I hope and pray for change to come soon... :)

cheers!!
Shilpa said…
Hey Amit, liked this post very very very much. I don't know what should i comment, you almost posted what i think...

shilpa
Durga Nandan said…
And also the societal norms that say "you should always be below ur husband obeying and submitting."


Btw, one small error.
"I really appreciate Kiran Bedi for 'his' noble work in “AAP KI KACHEHRI” "

Make that 'her' will you?
Singh Amit said…
@ Shilpa...

Thanks a lot.. :)
Glad that u liked it so much... :)

Cheers!!
Singh Amit said…
@ Durga Nandan..

Thanks a lot.. :)
U r true... and these norms should be changed...:)

Thanks for 'error' :)

Cheers!!
Shas said…
Its not jus the fear of being left alone or the dogmatic belief but there is also an emotional attachment with the same man who beat them up night after night.
Kay said…
It's such a shame, and to know this happens every day all over the world is heart breaking. I think in any situation it is important to know you are not alone, that there is help and others, knowledge is power.
Singh Amit said…
@ Shas
Thanks a lot for comment..:)

Well, it may be emotional attachement..
But real question is why one(woman) who is beaten; one who is weak; one who feels inferior has an emotional attachent
...If their husband are also emotinally attached, they never beat.... can it not be mutual?

So, I somehow feel, it is dependecy, fear of being alone which forces women to be emotinally attached. It is not love but a compulsion....
Just see other countries where women are independent..their independency never let them to bear the traumatic sufferings given by their husbands....they are not emotinally attached like India...becoz they are independent....

Cheers!!
Shilpa said…
Hey Amit,
you got an award, visit my blog to get it.

shilpa
Singh Amit said…
@ Kay..

Thanks a lot.. :)

U truly said..Knowledge is power..and solve this problem to a great extent by making them economically Independent......

Cheers!!
Singh Amit said…
@ Shilpa
Thanks a lot..
Just going to check out... :)
Cheers!!
Sat_hi_sh said…
Well Amit there are lots of laws drafted to avoid this problem but as like any other laws they are also just sleeping.........

if these laws are implemented rigoursly we could provide a safe ambience for the whole women bunch...


nice post !!
keep blogging :)
cheers!!
Singh Amit said…
yaa.. u r true..There are laws but either women are ignorant or they are so hopeless that they are not capable to use it. There are laws like 'Domestic Violence Act' but laws are of no value, if u r not able to use it.. So a revolution, intellectual one, is utmost required to enlighten the people about these things....

Thanks a lot for comment.. :)
Cheers!!
R S V said…
you have touched a really important topic Amit..
such dogmatism really needs to be curbed..and yes I am also a fan of Kiran Bedi...she is doing a great job!! as you are!!
anushree said…
hats off to u dear...for writing on such a sensitive issue with such simplicity yet not leaving even a single thought (reality)to be missed....m glad that there r ppl who think as well as wnt to work for women welfare...keep it up!
Singh Amit said…
@ RSV ..

Thanks a lot :)
Kiran bedi rocks!!!
Cheers!!
Singh Amit said…
@ Anushree..

Thanks a lot for such encouraging and lovely words... :)

Keep visiting :)

Cheers!!
Indian Pundit said…
Very sad.

All the three points of yours make sense.
Singh Amit said…
@ Everymatter..

Thanks a lot.. :)
welcome to my blog..

Cheers!!
Singh Amit said…
@ IP
Thanks a lot.. :)

It's really distressful... :)

Cheers Dear!!
Happybirdie said…
Pathetic!!!have no other words
Keep posting dear.Your blog always has real substance.
Singh Amit said…
Thanks a lot ....Happybirdie.. :)

Cheers!!
workhard said…
I think she is just staying with her husband because of her children's future..

I dont know how some men behave the way they do.. we had a maid long time back a lil older lady and she came over one day with a black eye saying her married son had done dat...


Domain registration india
Roshmi Sinha said…
You know... this whole "pati parameshwar' thing is a later day 'addition/invention'. It was never there among our ancients. Also, this so-called image of the all sacrificing "Bharatiya Naari"... that is forcefed on women here... too is a later day 'creation'.

Our mythology and scriptures are full of anecdotes/examples/metaphors... and the "Mahabharata" and the "Ramayana" are no different.
These are still not understood very well... and debates and discussions are raging... to this day.
Lord Krishna was a transformational leader. He was also the greatest Guru, teacher, guide, friend, philosopher, mentor.

Lord Krishna has also said that the "Mahabharata" is the greatest book ever... echos of it can be found in events down the ages... but what is not there in this book... is not found anywhere.

An event described in the "Mahabharata"..."Draupadi's vastraharan"... is an event... perhaps. It is also an example or even a metaphor. On the "decadence" of society, on the norms of culture and the decadence of "dharma". "Dharma" is is not "religion" as we understand today. It is "rightousness".
If people deviate from "dharma"... what eventually happens or what their failing to do their "dharma" leads to... is shown very well through this one event/metaphor.

As Lord Krishna too mentions... in the "Bhagavad Gita". A society which stood by silently and simply watched, did not react nor protested... on such a shameful event... the "vastrahaaran" of Draupadi... on the "apamaan" of the Queen of Hastinapur, the daughter of King Drupad... an extraordinary woman, a major and important personality in her own right... what will such a society do when ordinary people... including ordinary women are subjected to ill treatment, injustice and torture.
It will shatter a society and give rise to all kinds of ills.

Therefore, Lord Krishna advises Arjun and all of us... to do our "duty"... to uphold "dharma"... without thinking or worrying about the "result" or the "aftermath".... failing which we are doomed forever. We should not blame "external" factors for the failure or the decadence of society... it happens due to our actions... only.

Unfortunately... his words are being echoed in our society...
Singh Amit said…
@ workhard..

Really it is a pathetic situation prevailing in Indian society which has made the life of woman miserable.....But somehow, I feel that as an Individual, we should have a feeling of duty to prevent it as much as possible.


Thanks a lot for comment..

Cheers!!
Singh Amit said…
@ Roshmi..
Thanks a lot for such enlightening comment.. :)

I am solely agree with you on every point, you said, about the reason why the concept of pati and parmeshwar is so deepened in the consciousness of Indian people. Really I also feel, it is all outcome due to conditioning of human being that has led them to accept such disastrous beleifs.


Cheers!!
divsi said…
lovely post...
glad ppl like u exist in our so called MCP society...

another reason y women continue to stay wid such husbands is coz they lack financial independence..that arising from lack of education..

and one thing i persnally feel is in our society children our brouht up with gender bias..sumwhere boys are GIVEN preference n TOLD THAT THEY ARE SUPERIOR TO WOMEN...n if that continues...generation after generation this SHALL CONTINUE...
Srivats said…
Such a shame seriously , I dont like to believe it still happens somewhere in this world, but alas, it does!

Came here through Rachana's post

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